days of happiness

March 3-5 2007 -à these days are got to be the best days of my life. It was like days of happiness…pure bliss…it’s like anything could not go wrong… I’m so happy… thank you for the cake… thank you for thinking of me… thank you letting me be part of you life… I’ll wait for you… I promise…

i need to work

I just had to cry… I just had to keep silent… when everything falls hard on me… I just had to rest… I hate myself for doing what is right but seen as wrong… why can’t you understand me… why can’t you see I’m already crawling on mud but I do not complain but you just have to remind me that this mud is because of me… if only the world will change and I’ll be on top, I would never say this to you…

pain

There are times when I just want to quit, sometimes it hurts already. It hurts more than the initiation I had when I entered my fraternity. There are times when everything are just dim. Sometimes I feel I am just an object, a ghost. Sometimes all I can think of that it is unfair. I already know that I am already a sponge of hurts. I can grab the pain and smash it. I am considered a masochist because I receive pain and keeps silent. But what could they do? This is who I am. I care and think of others before me that I sometimes do not eat. You’ve hurt me a lot of times, you’ve hurt me that I could only show you that everything was ok but when I’m alone I cry. Sometimes I think that I’m too dependent to you. I just took the pain and keep quiet and be thick enough to let it go away. I am patient, I know, I know that the hurts I have I could just mend it. Pain! Oh how sweet it is, do I have to be your friend for the rest of my life?

thoughts

Everytime I go home
I just go straight to you
And reach out for your hand
Just a routine for a
Child’s mind.

I’ve never saw that
Everytime I arrive you
Would try to get up
From your death bed
For you to welcome me
I was just a kid
Who thinks of the future
Play.

I’m sorry I never showed
You how much I love you
I’m sorry I never seem
To care.
Now I’m old to feel what
You felt
I hope you would forgive me.

I remember the days
When we were together
You showed me things
Even now I still cherish
You taught me a lot of things
That now I am remembered
I owe you a lot for this
And I beg for you to forgive me.

You showed me how to love a person
By how you loved mama and us
There may be flaws, but from that
I will learn

There may be something you missed
But you are just a person
And I forgive you. I hope
You would forgive me too.

I write this letter for I have never
Had the chance to say it to you.
Before you went to heaven.
I’m sorry, I love you very much PA.